Love Undefined

The “What are we?” Talk

Danica first set her eyes on Drew at a University where both were pursuing their undergraduate studies; she knew there was this aspect of him that was attractive though she couldn’t quite figure out what exactly it was. Simple actions such as saying hi, to exchanging contacts and endless chats marked the discovery of a friendship that would last beyond the walls of campus.

They both shared a few common interests and this connection would see to it that they spent most of their time together. As the days went by, they both became totally confused as the connection grew to an undefined bond. Drew had just broken things off with a lady he was seeing for quite a while and Danica though being single at the moment wasn’t quite sure she was ready to take it a notch higher. 

In their minds, it was pretty clear that things had only been casual — never official; they were friends first, so they definitely had this special connection that none of them could explain or rather were a bit reluctant to define but somehow deep within they both wished they secretly knew.

I write this not as a love guru but majorly based on my interactions and observations; oh and what good timing it is to find this inspiration as we exit “the month of Love!” I have come across memes, read captions and listened to conversations; that awkward conversation, the dreadful question and the defining moment when you realize you don’t have a clear response after all. 

Most people if not all have found themselves or are currently in a similar situation as Danica and Drew. Ultimately, you come to the realization that in as much you’ve had this connection for a while either or both of you fear DTR (Defining the Relationship). You only wish you secretly knew what the other person felt, probably since the commitment is lesser or you are just not sure you are ready for the whole package that comes with it. Why then is it difficult to let go?

Photo Courtesy Pal4articles

Is it enough to just have a “connection” with someone, without needing to define it? When drawing the relationship boundary lines, whose role is it to make the first relationship move, the man or the lady?

Nearly every romantic connection hinges on a dramatic moment when a couple finally must have “the talk” which in normal cases involves defining the relationship. “What are we? Are we ‘just friends’ or more than that? Are we dating or is our relationship just casual?” All these questions come up at some point when trying to gauge your level of commitment to each other.

At that moment it hits you that you’ve been living a fantasy; it’s all been an illusion - why are these questions so difficult to answer? This discussion has more often than not been avoided for fear of being perceived as pushy and let’s be real here it’s a bit scary to know. If you have begun to feel strongly about the individual in question, asking if he or she shares your feelings can be a frightening moment of truth.

Photo Courtesy Slism

We grew up knowing that relationships are all about that indefinable chemistry and connection. In an ideal world, it’s sort of automatic that you should just know when he or she is “The One”, right? Some describe it as a spark; others define it as the heart melting.

It works differently in several cases; for some people, chemistry leads to an almost perfect relationship while for others, this “connection” becomes confusing when they remain undefined. After all, even ambiguous relationships are rooted in deep connection.

There is something incredibly refreshing for a man about not having to broach this topic himself, while it’s extremely common among the ladies. In fact ladies have been accused by their male counterparts of always popping the question “What are we?” while men choose to avoid seemingly what they term as an “awkward conversation.”

If you've been casual for a while and the interactions are more than just hooking up, my bet is that both of you are already thinking about it and just haven't gotten up the nerve to talk about it yet. It takes time for a guy to work up the bravery to sit down at the other end of the table and just blurt it out. 

Before you finally decide to sit and have the “Talk”, go with an open mind, it can be an ego-crushing moment or things might just turn out positive for both of you. Ask yourself; are you in Love or Attached?