Gambles & Tumbles

Rising above the gamble patch

“Today, we give you the power to read and do all what appertains to your degree. Go ye out there and prove it to the world that you are a product of whose quality is guaranteed…”

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Let me to take you back to the day you shifted your tassel with so much enthusiasm and the joy of conquering the journey that had been had engulfed you; the fruit of the years spent cultivating what would now be the foundation of your career. The words that gave you strength and confidence; it was going to be fine, after all you had the weapon – Education, so you thought. You are released to the labour market, to face society, and prove to yourself that you are indeed ready to take on the world.

Flash-forward to the present day and we are painted a very complex picture, they say experience is the best teacher; I’m yet to ascertain if by “best” they had in mind the harsh reality that comes with that bit of learning. You also realize that part of learning entails gambling through life, falling, rising, laughter, sacrifice and pain; it’s a whole network of actions and emotions.  I have interacted with a number of people mostly graduates; those currently unemployed, employed or self-employed who are still on the journey trying to gain a sense of themselves in the world. In case you are wondering whether their career is shaping up exactly how they had imagined it would a few years down the line; it’s not the case. I guessed so at least for most. 

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The reality is that most either love their career, earn less than they expected, are surviving through it but it’s taking a toll on them. In real sense a number are going through the gambling patch, you try one thing when it doesn’t work you try another until you reach the goal of finding a sense of fulfillment. If you have tried to reach your goal and tumbled because you encountered a hurdle, don’t stop - jump higher.  And sometimes before you figure it out; it’s normal to find yourself caught up in the gamble and tumble of life. The fact is that you’ll be confronted with a climb, more complex and sometimes difficult than you had envisioned; that is the nature of goals.

In the quest for sustainability in your life or career, you’ll be taken into a new territory, fear and doubt will engulf you, you’ll experience meltdowns and so many times feel overwhelmed but you’ll have to make a decision and a commitment to yourself. The decisions you make at this point in life are very critical in determining your chances of success, your ability to navigate your way through.

No matter how scary, stuck or uncertain you might feel about your situation, relax and take some time on introspection, pray and take action; take the necessary steps you would need to gain new tools and concepts to move forward on your goal. You’ll also need as much optimism and drive required in tackling it.

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When you’ve gambled through life and failed enough times always remember that “You try things, some work, some don’t, and you do more of what works.” Sometimes to find a clear sense of direction towards achieving your goals and making bolder steps up the ladder, you have to keep an open mind. No one ever wants to experience setbacks or failure; it can be so disheartening especially for a perfectionist and can push you over the edge in worst cases. I am still learning that sometimes it helps to redefine failure, to take it as an opportunity to re-evaluate yourself, shift your course and find new motivation.

If you are a young graduate and you’ve probably heard different experiences of those ahead of you, don’t fret, and just don’t keep your hopes too high as well. Set reasonable goals, pray, build your confidence muscle; to break through in a world where there’s so much intimidation, you’ll need this. The challenges you’ll face in the course of your journey will however offer you opportunities to gain mastery over your career and life.

As the Tide Goes Out

The walk along tide-pools into the deep sea

A few years back we went on a campus vacation to the coast and while at it, there was a proposal that those interested could explore the ocean. If you’ve ever been to the beach, you understand that there’s a certain period of time when the tide goes out, the level of the water decreases and the flow of the water is stronger going out. This is the time most tourists on vacation prefer walking along the tide –pools deep into the ocean to get a glimpse of all sorts of sea creatures and features. 

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I wasn’t so sure I was ready to take that walk; I have always been partially thalassophobic. This notwithstanding, deep within I felt the need to conquer, besides, it would have been a unique addition to the list of my adventures and so we began the walk. The guide briefed us and we were strictly instructed to follow his foot path as there are specific areas that were to be avoided and considered unsafe. Let me state that by the time we were being warned of the areas to avoid, I felt a strong need to go back – doubt had engulfed me. How was I going to survive this, dodging the sea urchins, the heat, what if the tide comes in halfway the walk? I had no choice but to proceed, there’s no way the guide was going to keep the rest waiting and guide me back to the shore.

I must admit, that if you would watch anyone walking past the tide-pools you would think it’s an easy walk. It was one of the most difficult walks I’ve ever experienced, the deeper we went the more interesting and exciting it became but also the harder it was trying to keep balance and keeping sight of the dangerous underwater creatures. The lagoons were a sight to behold, a captivating beauty of nature. Walking back to the shore before the tide came in required a similar level attention, still holding on to my fear I unintentionally stepped on a sea urchin. Naturally sea urchins release poisonous stings in defense when they are stepped on, and if the sting isn't removed in good time it might cause damage to  one's system - it hurts but I guess that’s just one of nature’s bad side. At that point I was overwhelmed with regret as to why I decided to take on that walk despite feeling constrained.

This experience is a basic reflection of our real life encounters. Most of us if not all have goals and dreams that we hope to achieve, it may be related to personal growth, relationships, career or family among others. However, attempting to move through the noise in our minds can be so overwhelming. Our fears can sometimes drive us off balance or even cause us to get bogged down in apathy especially when we have to deal with change or venture into unfamiliar territories. 

Occasionally when we experience a constant self-doubt that we aren’t prepared or smart enough, we end up not enjoying the process or our success. Just as my reaction to the sea urchin sting, we are often quick to beat ourselves up in regret at the slightest encounter of failure. 

Life’s inevitable stings will always parade in the way of your goals or dreams; perhaps you’ve hit a career wall or you are facing a personal challenge that simply won’t go away. You don’t have to give up, many people have, but it doesn’t have to always be the case. Your dreams will take you into a new territory and bring you face-to-face with your own fears and doubts. The issue is not about how to avoid fear, but how to make positive decisions that boost your confidence while fear is present.

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Whenever you find yourself off-centred, tap into your inner centre on what you can do to eventually bring yourself back on balance. Trying to find the perfect balance as you pursue your dreams will bring along stress, fear, doubt; this experience is precisely important in shaping your confidence. Learn to always keep your options open as the world is changing too fast and be ready to take risks. You do not always have to make decisions when your journey is easy, you have to do it when it’s hardest to do so. That’s because to break through what is holding you back, you have to go through the fear and doubt. Tough choices are self-empowering, hence leading to personal growth.

As the tide goes out and the noise in your head settles, take on that walk with confidence. It’s not going to be easy, in fact once in a while you’ll unexpectedly step on the urchin and when life stings it will hurt but always remember to get rid of the sting and get back on your feet.

Silent Knocks of Reality...

Of Age & Mixed Emotions

Painting By: Michael Lang

A busy day it had been and the excitement and anxieties of a change that was about to take place the next day engulfed me to exhaustion, my clock was ticking. 

When everything was calm, I whispered a prayer and finally tucked myself under the covers. I don’t quite remember as a teenager if I had ever imagined what it would be or feel like hitting the quarter century mark, but I can remember vividly when I graduated from campus setting goals on what I would have loved to achieve by this age. 
As a youth, I had set my expectations quite high; being part of a generation that’s constantly thinking about success and progressing as fast as they deserve, the space keeps growing smaller and the pressure to become somebody beckoning. Fast is less of a virtue now and more of a lifestyle.

Yesterday one of my friends was marking another year in his birthday calendar and so as it is the norm, I passed across my goodwill message. However, part of his reply reflects the case for many young people; he explained that birthdays can sometimes create both a happy and a low feeling in equal measure, happy in the sense that it’s a blessing from God to experience a new year while the lows (in his own words) are experienced when you had set personal achievements or targets but you fall short.         

I have always enjoyed the transition of age, I still do; with each transition comes celebration, thanksgiving and joy as we knock on the door that opens up to a new chapter of our lives. I have however realized with time that it’s easier celebrating one’s birthday as a child than as a youth. 
There’s a tremendous amount of pressure put on you when you’re in your twenties, so much is expected of you in every aspect of your life. You want to succeed in your relationships, your jobs, your finances, all before you hit a certain age.

Here I was marking a milestone in my twenties the best yet the most difficult age for most people. It's that time when you get to develop a sense of independence, try to maintain stability in your career, explore the dating scene, or travel the world. On the other hand, it's a time often characterized by crises, failures, relationship misadventures, and a sense of uncertainty about whom we are and where we are headed. In other words with every transition your success is judged by what you achieved in the preceding year.

When the party is over, and you find yourself curled up in a corner clouded by thoughts and anxieties, know that these emotions are pretty common and I guess they typically pass with time as you hit adulthood. In worst cases one can plunge into depression, begin to believe they won’t ever achieve anything, trying to figure out why everyone else seems happy and ahead of them and so they slowly shut down.

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Most if not all of us have an opinion about hitting a specific age that we dread so much and therefore work tirelessly to achieve everything we promised ourselves we would before then. This can be a freaking rollercoaster.

Take time to find yourself and your passion; avoid social pressure and setting unrealistic expectations. You get wiser with age, step out of your comfort zone and understand that sometimes it doesn’t all go as planned and that’s okay.   

...Mathew 6:25 - 34

The Broken Wine Glass

Finding Beauty in Imperfection

At the corner of the living room stood a coffee stool, on it I noticed a rather attractive blue broken wine glass with its stem and base missing.  Why would anyone want to keep a piece of a broken wine glass anyway? After all it was so obvious that it had lost its aesthetic appeal and intended functionality.

The next few minutes marked the beginning of a conversation that would indulge my curiosity while I continued nonetheless to hold the broken piece in awe, perhaps to create some meaning out of it.

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My friend had bought this wine glass a while back when he visited one of the famous glass art studios in the outskirts of Nairobi City. The glass stood out from the rest and on spotting it from the shelves, he felt a strong liking that prompted his decision to purchase and display it as an art. Unfortunately, when he got home it fell and broke into half before it served its purpose. This however, he says did not deter him from keeping it; he threw away the stem and the base but kept the bowl. As we had this conversation I couldn’t help but notice the sentimental value he attached to this piece of art, one that he valued for its uniqueness; in fact even with an obvious fault, he wouldn’t throw it away if given a replacement.

As a deep thinker though, I began creating meaning out of a conversation that would have easily passed as simple and casual. I was stirred by how much this case is very much relatable to our relationships (be it family, friendships, marriages); what if we applied a similar concept to our relationships? Every human relationship has the ability to provide meaning, and joy despite our faults, this is quite possible only when we learn to truly love.

We never develop relationships hoping for the worst, just the same way when you purchase that piece of art, or wine glass, it rarely crosses your mind that it will break the moment you get home in as much as it is a possibility.

When it comes to personal relationships, there can be a tangle; personalities can begin to clash, petty arguments surface too easily, irritations may occur and so on. On occasion, we tend to display our strengths and positive attributes so we can stand out from the rest and fit within a particular 'perfect' circle often defined by the beholder.  Rarely do we talk about the fact that each of us will also come with our weaknesses thoroughly intact. Yet we seem surprised when weakness surface at a certain point into the relationship.

Photo Courtesy; Mike Buckley

In reality, very few things in life (if any) are perfect, including all form of relationships. Instead of expecting perfection and ending up feeling disappointed, it is important to learn how to accept and navigate around the faults. As a result, you’re likely to feel happier in your relationship. Very often we notice that our greatest weakness is simply our greatest strength out of balance. The wisdom that’s the Bible implies that in relationships our general attitude should be one of restoring and loving unconditionally; a joint effort of finding the holes and mending them. 

 (1 Corinthians 13:4-8) 

The broken wine glass story is a lesson that love is derived from exploring the simple, embracing each other in totality despite our imperfections and hence finding the beauty in each other’s imperfections. If we haven’t understood this yet then probably what we’ve always perceived as love might just have been an illusion.

However, love means different things to different people and we are not going to act like and pretend that it is easy either. One may ask though at what point do you let go? My take; when the glass is completely shattered and you can’t make sense of the pieces anymore.

The moment you make that commitment, then you should be prepared to take on the full responsibility that comes with it. If it meant so much to you when you first spotted it, then hold on to it even in its broken state… and make good of it while it lasts!